COUNT YOUR MANY BLESSINGS
Last week was rough. No fun at all. I must confess to having a bit of a pity party for a couple of days. This week is going to be hard (work-wise) but hopefully not as stressful as last week. The sun is shining (for now) and there is so much to be thankful for. So today I will count my blessings.
- I am a Christian, which is the most important thing to be, so I know wherein lies my salvation. AND I live in a country and an era in which I am free to be so and don’t have to deal with persecution.
- I was raised by wonderful parents and have a loving family. Four brothers who have looked out for me my whole life and their wives who have been like sisters to me and their children – my nieces and nephews- who have been like my own kids.
- I have a husband who loves me in spite of my numerous faults and he has shared his children with me. They have enriched my life more than I can say. Most recently our daughter has blessed us with two adorable and sweet grandchildren.
- I am blessed with friends that I can’t imagine not having in my life. Everywhere I go, I seem to be blessed with good friends- my church family is important to me and I am always able to count co-workers among my dearest friends, no matter where I work. I enjoy spending time with them so much.
- I have a job that I truly enjoy that enables me to interact with precious children every day. I feel like it keeps me young. It’s hard to get very cynical or hardened when you are dealing with innocent children all day long.
- I have my health, which enables me to enjoy a variety of activities. That is one resource I have not been a very good steward of – my health could be so much better than it is, but whatever is wrong with me is my own fault.
- I live in the U.S.A. – enough said!
- I have a roof over my head, clothes on my back, more than enough food to eat. I have enough money to buy the things we need, to eat out more often than we should, and to take nice trips occasionally. In other words, we are blessed materially.
So- if I am having a rough week or dealing with difficult people, I hope I can always remember how very blessed I am and keep things in perspective. There are literally millions of people on earth right now who would gladly trade places with me! I’m not trading, though. . .
THINGS THEY DON’T TELL YOU
Ever since 40 became a distant memory for me, I’ve been getting more and more ticked off about all the things they never told me about getting older. Sure I get all the funny emails with all the little cartoons telling you about how stuff falls off or quits working when you get old. How you can’t remember what you just walked into the room for. How your body starts sounding more and more like a coffee percolator. The cartoons and cute little sayings make it seem like it is just a joke. It isn’t.
But what they really don’t tell you is how you still feel like a kid on the inside all the while you’re wondering who the h— that old lady is looking at you in the mirror. Or how you will see people around you and that little age-ometer in the back of your mind automatically catalogs them as “older than me” but then you start talking to them and find out that they are actually YOUNGER than you. (And they look really old.) They don’t mention how every little thing you have to do is harder than it used to be. They don’t tell you what it feels like to give up dreams that you now know will never come true or how jealous you will be of everybody you see under the age of 30. (I read a Facebook status last night by a high school senior – very pretty and popular- that said she wished she could just fast forward her life over all the stuff she’s going through right now and just get to the happily ever after part. If she had been close enough for me to shake her, I think I would have. I almost commented something like “Honey, enjoy it while you can because it’s all downhill after high school.” But she wouldn’t have believed me. That’s the thing about young people.) They never told me how much I would miss feeling young and carefree and having friends that make you laugh until you cry. And how much you will treasure those few friends you have that can still do that.
It’s not just getting old either. They don’t tell you things about getting married. Like how sometimes you will look at this person you vowed to love for the rest of your life and just want to heave something at his head. Like how those adorable little habits he used to have ain’t so adorable 20 years later. Like how some days you get in the car to go to work and just want to keep driving and never come back. But then you think about what that would do to him, so you don’t. Plus you don’t have enough cash with you.
Speaking of work, they don’t tell you that- even if you have a job that you really like- it still ain’t no fun hauling your tail out of bed at 5:15 a.m. day after mind-numbing day. Especially on rainy, Monday mornings like this one. (I had actually told my husband to get me up this morning when he gets up – at 4:45- so I could exercise with him. The alarm went off- he turned to look at me and said “okay- it’s time”. I heaved the pillow at his head and went back to sleep.)
They don’t tell you about the empty nest thing. I’m mean, sure, you’ve heard about it. But I never heard about how much free time you will have when you are not taking care of kids and running them all over town and cooking a wholesome meal every evening and having to go to Walmart at 10:00 at night to buy a piece of poster-board for a project that’s due the next morning that they’ve known about for 2 weeks. I don’t know what to do with myself anymore. The hubby has no trouble- he’s always had his own stuff going on. But I’ve never been so bored in my life. I really need a better hobby than reading and surfing on the laptop. I need somebody to take care of- somebody that needs me. (Sure there’s Buster, but it’s not the same.)
Okay- this has turned into more of a pity party than I intended. SO- time to find the silver lining:
- Few things are as enjoyable as grandchildren.
- Somewhere in a nursing home out there is a 90-year-old who would KILL to trade places with me.
- Free time on my hands is supposed to be a good thing- it’s my own fault for not making better use of it. So- I need to start making better use of it.
- I may not look like I used to but at least I’m wiser. I think.
- There’s something to be said for the security of having a husband you can depend on most of the time who loves you in spite of your many flaws.
- It may be too late to make some of my dreams come true, but who says I can’t develop new dreams? I’m open to suggestions. . . .
HE KNOWS JUST WHAT I NEED
I realize that it goes without saying, but today I just feel like saying it anyway: the Lord sure knows what He’s doing.
Today is such a gorgeous day- blue skies with the occasional white puffy cloud, low humidity, soft breeze blowing. What makes it so special, though, is the fact that we’ve had several weeks of yucky, rainy, humid weather. Day after day wondering when the rain would ever end- had some folks out of sorts. I really don’t mind rain, but I’m not a big fan of having to drive in it. Anyway- knowing human nature, I doubt that any of us would be as appreciative of this gorgeous day if we hadn’t had all the blech weather lately.
I can look back at many disappointments in my life and see God’s hand at work. Things that I thought I wanted that didn’t happen, but then something better came along. This is a good lesson in trust for me. Sometimes I can’t help but wonder why something is the way it is- but when I think about God’s plan and how He can see things I cannot, it really helps. He knows just what I need better than I do.
WHAT’S IT ALL ABOUT, ALFIE?
Someone asked me the other day what I like about teaching. At the time, I really didn’t have the opportunity to give a well-thought-out answer, so today I will address that issue. To be a little more accurate, I will alter the question slightly to “what is it like to be a teacher?”
First of all, I would have to say that the experience of being a teacher varies greatly depending on your circumstances. For example, teachers in private schools or affluent communities have a much different experience than teachers in inner-city schools or in rural, poverty-stricken areas. Second, the experience of being a teacher has changed considerably over the years. Teachers spend MUCH more of their time testing now than ever before. They also have to document EVERYTHING and modify their curriculum/methods to accommodate all students. This is easier said than done. Small group work now has to be documented daily in most subjects. I have an opinion on all of these things, but I will refrain from giving it right now. Third – you should realize that there are so many other tasks and duties that are required- the “act” of teaching takes up a relatively small percentage of your time.
For most of us, a love of children and an ability to relate to them is what drew us into this profession. Sometimes that love of children can be heartbreaking though. I guess I would have to say- that is the biggest drawback of teaching for me. The more you love children, the harder it is to see how some of them are being neglected, unloved, abused. That is one part of the job that you will never get used to or enjoy. I currently work in school that has more than its share of ugly home situations. It amazes me how some people have no regard for this wonderful gift God has bestowed on them. My heart aches when I think about my inability to carry a baby to term – never having a child of my own to raise and love. And then I see these families that have 3 or 4 kids (or more)- all of them being neglected or raised with no morals or principles.
I have to maintain several student databases for our school, so I am aware whenever students withdraw or enroll. It never ceases to amaze me how many kids will enroll, attend for a few weeks, withdraw for a few weeks, enroll for a few weeks, withdraw for a few weeks, etc. Some students change schools more often than they change socks. Such constant upheaval in school enrollment is –no doubt- only the tip of the iceberg with what’s going on in their lives at home. Every day I hear the stories- mama moved back in with abusive boyfriend #4; daddy’s not in the picture, mom’s in jail for meth, so granny raises the kids but now granny is sick, daddy was a pervert so we are hiding out from him by moving around, our landlord kicked us out because he got mad at mommy- momma got shot and killed by the boyfriend leaving her 5 children alone in the world – you name it, I have heard it. And it never fails to break my heart. It’s one thing to read the words on a page, but to hear them coming from these precious little faces – some so sweet and innocent and some that look like they’ve never smiled in their lives and some just filled with distrust of everybody – AHHH! That would have to be the worst part.
I guess what you notice about kids- ALL of them, the sweet little teeny ones with the big blinky eyes and the shy little smiles or the tough-talking big ones that roll their eyes all the time– is that no matter what kind of brave front they put on- they are all vulnerable. They ALL need somebody to look after them and some of them don’t have that. For so many kids, school is the only safe place they have in their lives. I realize that more now than I ever have before.
For those of us who have been in this profession forever it is so easy to get bogged down with the day-to-day duties that you forget sometimes how vulnerable those kids are. Especially the ones that knows how to push your buttons and get on your last nerve just by walking into the room. Or the chubby ones w/ fogged up glasses that sweat a lot and smell funny. Or the clumsy ones that aren’t very bright. Or the ones that lose their tempers all the time and have no friends. Or the smart-alecks that act like they own the world. Because they’re not all loveable. But they all need love. They all need a kind word and a smile or a friendly pat on the back. They all need encouragement. They all need to feel that somebody likes them. Even if you’re having a rotten day yourself.
This job ain’t for sissies. It hard and frustrating and makes you cry sometimes. You will never get rich or famous teaching school. There are times you will feel like you are being punished for trying to help someone. “Thank you”’s are few and far between and almost never come from the people who really owe you the most. But if you can do this job and do it well, you will know you are making a difference in the lives of those children and you are making a difference in the world. And that’s pretty neat.
DRIVING HOME
Last week I started writing a blog all about the beginning of school – mostly based on interactions with other teachers and with kids of all ages. Very profound observations about new beginnings, etc. It was pretty good stuff (of course) but I never finished it and – since we are now two weeks into school- I’ve kind of lost interest in the subject.
Anyhoo- tonight I want to write about what has been on my mind this week. For some reason I spend a good bit of time during the day – when I’m not crazy busy- thinking about the sights I see on my drive home everyday. As much as I always look forward to getting home every day, I also look forward to my drive through the country. Last spring I discovered a rural route – thanks to my GPS – that I began taking in the afternoons to avoid the ridiculous traffic I always dealt with coming home through town. It is probably a few miles longer, but I get home at about the same time because I am practically the only car on that road- I love it! It’s quite relaxing and a good transition from work-mode to home mode.
This week I have seen a dead armadillo lying on its back in someone’s front yard. I would hate to be the one to discover that little gem out in the yard. (by the way- since when are armadillos native to Alabama? My whole life growing up, I never saw an armadillo until I went to Texas. Now you can’t throw a rock without hitting one- usually a dead one in the road. Either they are migrating east for some strange reason, OR somebody in Texas is sick of them and is piling all their dead armadillos in the back of a pick-up and driving to Alabama and dumping them all over our roads.) Once again I digress. I also see black cows with white faces, which are pretty cool looking. They just look like they would make really good pets.
For months I have been driving past this one house that has piles of piles of these strange, roundish brown objects in the yard and I’ve been wondering all this time “What the heck ARE those things?” This week the mystery was solved. As I was driving by the house, I saw a friend (and coworker) in the yard. When I asked her about it the next day, she told me she lives there and those things are gourds. They didn’t look like gourds to me – they looked like some kind of weird humongous potatoes. But they are gourds. Good to know.
I have also found my perfect farm house. White house with red shutters, big L-shaped front porch with a white swing, beautiful trees in the yard, picturesque barn out back with pastures behind it. That’s where I want to live. Just live there and have a garden and wear my housecoat and slippers out to the mailbox and then go pet my oreo-colored cows. What a life!
Strangely enough I have also gotten hooked on a computer game- Farm Town. It’s probably the closest I will ever come to really living on a farm, since I am married to a boy that doesn’t know a heifer from a Brahma bull. But all this ruraly, agricultry stuff is making me feel very warm and cozy and nostalgic for my childhood and missing my parents.
